Between Perfect and Real
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- Create Date：2022-03-09 07:51:52
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Ray Stoeve
- ISBN：1419746022
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Summary
A moving YA debut about a trans boy finding his voice—and himself
Dean Foster knows he’s a trans guy。 He’s watched enough YouTube videos and done enough questioning to be sure。 But everyone at his high school thinks he’s a lesbian—including his girlfriend， Zoe， and his theater director， who just cast him as a “nontraditional” Romeo。 He wonders if maybe it would be easier to wait until college to come out。 But as he plays Romeo every day in rehearsals， Dean realizes he wants everyone to see him as he really is now––not just on the stage， but everywhere in his life。 Dean knows what he needs to do。 Can playing a role help Dean be his true self？
Dean Foster knows he’s a trans guy。 He’s watched enough YouTube videos and done enough questioning to be sure。 But everyone at his high school thinks he’s a lesbian—including his girlfriend， Zoe， and his theater director， who just cast him as a “nontraditional” Romeo。 He wonders if maybe it would be easier to wait until college to come out。 But as he plays Romeo every day in rehearsals， Dean realizes he wants everyone to see him as he really is now––not just on the stage， but everywhere in his life。 Dean knows what he needs to do。 Can playing a role help Dean be his true self？
Reviews
Maggie Wilson
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This young adult novel follows the journey of a lesbian teenager discovering that he is a transgender male。 Dean begins contemplating his gender identity and then when he is cast as Romeo in his school play， it affirms that he is a guy。 In the novel， Dean struggles with this transition himself and then struggles with coming out to his girlfriend， best friends， parents， and classmates。 Along with the way though， his theatre teacher， his best friend， his dad， and new friends from a trans support g This young adult novel follows the journey of a lesbian teenager discovering that he is a transgender male。 Dean begins contemplating his gender identity and then when he is cast as Romeo in his school play， it affirms that he is a guy。 In the novel， Dean struggles with this transition himself and then struggles with coming out to his girlfriend， best friends， parents， and classmates。 Along with the way though， his theatre teacher， his best friend， his dad， and new friends from a trans support group help him realize it is okay for him to be himself。 This is definitely an interesting and eye opening read。 Between Perfect and Real is jam packed with emotions。 It’s very well written as it seamlessly weaves together Dean’s life with Romeo’s character from Shakespeare’s famous play。 Ray Stoeve shows people what transgender teens （and all transgender people） go through and struggle with as they make this transition。 The classroom needs more books like this for students to read if they are struggling with this or know someone who is。 Reading this novel helped me begin to understand why people are transgender。 。。。more
Charlie Anders
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Just catching up on posting reviews of books I've read and loved in the past few months。。。 this is a wonderful trans coming-of-age story。 I feel like there's a bias lately against "coming out" stories or stories of characters beginning their transitions， because for a long time that was pretty much all we had。 But I felt like Between Perfect and Real makes a really strong argument for why these kinds of stories are worth telling — Dean's journey to understand his own gender is super compelling， Just catching up on posting reviews of books I've read and loved in the past few months。。。 this is a wonderful trans coming-of-age story。 I feel like there's a bias lately against "coming out" stories or stories of characters beginning their transitions， because for a long time that was pretty much all we had。 But I felt like Between Perfect and Real makes a really strong argument for why these kinds of stories are worth telling — Dean's journey to understand his own gender is super compelling， and it shows how scary it is to come out as trans in high school。 I also love the interplay between the performance of Romeo&Juliet， with all its notions of putting on a persona， and Dean's quest for an identity。 I love love love Dean finding a supportive community of trans kids， and I also really appreciated the sensitive， nuanced portrayal of a romantic relationship unraveling after one person starts to transition。 I hope kids everywhere get to read this book！ 。。。more
Trish Isiderio
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Really heartfelt， thoughtful and grounded。 There’s pain but there’s also joy。 I feel like this could be an important and very encouraging book for so many。 I have to be honest， though， and I don’t feel like it’s my place to say this， but sometimes the way Zoe is portrayed can be a bit demonize-y。
Elisabeth
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Great book for someone wanting to know more about transgender experiences。
eleanor
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4。5/5 stars？this book felt like a big hug。 i lovee dean and all the characters in this book （especially the support group）。 i think using theatre as a stage （no pun intended） for talking about transness and queerness in general is interesting and fitting and i liked it as a setting。 i did feel a bit weird about the implication that lesbians （zoe） who don’t want to date trans guys （dean） are transphobic only bc i couldn’t tell if the book was promoting or condemning that stereotype。 i originally 4。5/5 stars？this book felt like a big hug。 i lovee dean and all the characters in this book （especially the support group）。 i think using theatre as a stage （no pun intended） for talking about transness and queerness in general is interesting and fitting and i liked it as a setting。 i did feel a bit weird about the implication that lesbians （zoe） who don’t want to date trans guys （dean） are transphobic only bc i couldn’t tell if the book was promoting or condemning that stereotype。 i originally figured it was talking against that point of view but the author didn’t quite use enough negative language for me to be sure that that was the case。 either way， i did like this a lot。 :） 。。。more
kim
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The story just felt too obvious
Ashley
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2。5/3
AJ
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I’m going to try revisit this book， maybe it’s my mind frame。 However， I found it cringe and some views I really disagreed with。 I also thought I’d connect with the character with being on a similar journey， unfortunately I didn’t。 For now it’s back on the book shelf。
Bethtunnell
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An eye opening trip through a very scary transition in the already scary adventure that is high school。 Well written， I didn’t love the experience because who loves being uncomfortable for a couple hundred pages。 But I appreciated the experience and that it wasn’t wrapped up in a happy little bow。
Ricki
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A powerful novel that really shows the journey to self-discovery told from the POV of a trans boy。
Shelly
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DNF
christina ♥
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» overview «stars: ★★☆☆☆plot: ★★☆☆☆readability: ★★☆☆☆characters: ★☆☆☆☆writing: ★★☆☆☆recommend: ✗» liked «- real» disliked «- slice-of-life style， in that this entire book focuses around Dean's discovers of who he is and wants to be。 there really is no plot outside of that。- no likeable characters- very unmemorable» overall «i just didn't care » overview «stars: ★★☆☆☆plot: ★★☆☆☆readability: ★★☆☆☆characters: ★☆☆☆☆writing: ★★☆☆☆recommend: ✗» liked «- real» disliked «- slice-of-life style， in that this entire book focuses around Dean's discovers of who he is and wants to be。 there really is no plot outside of that。- no likeable characters- very unmemorable» overall «i just didn't care 。。。more
nicole
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between perfect and real has a lot of potential， but i wish a lot of things would have been executed a lot better and i was disappointed in the end because of that。 the characters and portions of the plot and conflict could have been fleshed out more rather than being the （usually） harmful stereotypical tropes we see in media as wellhere's all the Token™ characters we have:（view spoiler）[- the gay guy who's into fashion design and sewing and who's dad （parents？） is against him going to college t between perfect and real has a lot of potential， but i wish a lot of things would have been executed a lot better and i was disappointed in the end because of that。 the characters and portions of the plot and conflict could have been fleshed out more rather than being the （usually） harmful stereotypical tropes we see in media as wellhere's all the Token™ characters we have:（view spoiler）[- the gay guy who's into fashion design and sewing and who's dad （parents？） is against him going to college to do just that。 who also seems to be the only specifically-stated poc ever mentioned in the book 👀- the homopobic bully with the toxic masculinity， and who's girlfriend who doesn't ever call him out for his actions and instead just breaks up with him- the lesbian who's portrayed as transphobic， who also outs the main character without permission to do so。 twice。 🙄 （hide spoiler）]there's probably some more issues in here that i kind of glossed over in trying to get through， but i'm tired。 i'm tired of the same awful tropes and plot devices when it's 2022 and this is fiction， so we could be writing anything else and writing them different and betteri will admit that i did enjoy it to a degree， and i think others might enjoy it more than i did， especially if they aren't looking at it with such a critical eyes as a lot of us （in the lgbt community， too） have already 。。。more
Benjibrandi
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Hmm perhaps like 2，5 / 5。 It was in no way bad - I read it in one day - it was a nice and comforting read 👍
Ro Ianek
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This book hit close to home。 As a transguy myself this book was a perfect representation of what I felt the first time I came out。 All the thoughts， all the if's and but's you could imagine。 This is a road of self discovery that never ends。 And it isn't always pretty。 This book doesn't sugarcoat the way transitioning is。 It doesn't expect the main character to know all the answers， to solve every problem with a smile on his face。 It also navigates safe spaces and not so safe spaces as high schoo This book hit close to home。 As a transguy myself this book was a perfect representation of what I felt the first time I came out。 All the thoughts， all the if's and but's you could imagine。 This is a road of self discovery that never ends。 And it isn't always pretty。 This book doesn't sugarcoat the way transitioning is。 It doesn't expect the main character to know all the answers， to solve every problem with a smile on his face。 It also navigates safe spaces and not so safe spaces as high school。 It deals with the reality many lgbtq+ people go by and gives a voice to those who are still not sure where they belong。 。。。more
Lu Kluck
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This was such a heartfelt and beautiful story。 The representation is breathtaking， and the story itself is so outstanding in it's depiction of the protagonist's struggles and fears in coming out as trans。 Also， his process of understanding and growing into himself as a trans guy felt genuine and realistic。 Full review available on my blog Lu's Digital Bookshelf This was such a heartfelt and beautiful story。 The representation is breathtaking， and the story itself is so outstanding in it's depiction of the protagonist's struggles and fears in coming out as trans。 Also， his process of understanding and growing into himself as a trans guy felt genuine and realistic。 Full review available on my blog Lu's Digital Bookshelf 。。。more
Zarah Larsson ♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀
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3。5 stars。 i enjoyed this。 it was just a painful but also quite beautiful simple read。 im not trans so i cant actually say much about the trans rep in this because ive never been through that but the subject about coming out is something i can relate too bc coming out is something ive been through as a queer person and trying to find yourself。 im so so proud of dean and i felt for him and really just wanted to give him so many hugs throughout the whole book。 im also so glad he had good friends a 3。5 stars。 i enjoyed this。 it was just a painful but also quite beautiful simple read。 im not trans so i cant actually say much about the trans rep in this because ive never been through that but the subject about coming out is something i can relate too bc coming out is something ive been through as a queer person and trying to find yourself。 im so so proud of dean and i felt for him and really just wanted to give him so many hugs throughout the whole book。 im also so glad he had good friends around him that he felt he could lean on。 。。。more
ali
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this was too personal i
Billy Travis
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Dean is a trans boy and knows it。 But the rest of the people in his life need to come to terms with their own feelings。
Molly
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i think this is a good book。 however， i did not enjoy reading this book， and it's making me really question & reconsider what i look for & want to get out of （queer） ya books at this point in my life。 i realize that i went into between perfect and real looking for something it was not prepared to give。 these days， i am searching for ya books that are lighthearted or at least hopeful， even potentially romantic， and that center queer + trans stories beyond the coming-out narrative。 this book is a i think this is a good book。 however， i did not enjoy reading this book， and it's making me really question & reconsider what i look for & want to get out of （queer） ya books at this point in my life。 i realize that i went into between perfect and real looking for something it was not prepared to give。 these days， i am searching for ya books that are lighthearted or at least hopeful， even potentially romantic， and that center queer + trans stories beyond the coming-out narrative。 this book is a hard-hitting， "realistic" coming-out narrative， so we were pretty much doomed from the start。i would have loved this book if i had read it in high school。 between perfect and real is filled with so much emotional depth and captures a lot of quintessential teen feelings: internal turmoil of discovering something about yourself and feeling unsupported or afraid to share it， the frustration that comes with navigating increasingly complicated relationships with your parents， the stress of the college application process and trying to decide what you want out of life and creating dreams for yourself and potentially setting yourself up for disappointment， the pain and anguish of a breakup or imagining a future where your friends are far away from you， the reality of always walking the line between judgment & tolerance & acceptance when you share important parts of yourself with someone。 this book was filled with echoes of my angst-ridden teenage years， had me digging into my past and remembering those painful moments i'd tried to bury in my memory， and i think this book could be a really powerful read for queer + trans young people。but reading between perfect and real now just left a bad taste in my mouth。 dean goes through a lot of shit in this book and i'm not sure what to make of it or what the book wants its readers' takeaway to be。 where is the hope for queer + trans teens in this book？？ hardly anything goes right for this kid: （view spoiler）[his mother reacts negatively to him coming out， so much so that he runs away， he gets bullied and physically beaten up in school， the principal and most of his teachers ignore his issues， he gets rejected from his dream college， and his relationship ends with his girlfriend because she is a lesbian and he is a guy。 （hide spoiler）] and because the book is so dean-centric， the side characters are underdeveloped， one-note players on the sidelines。 i appreciated the inclusion of the support group， but those characters blurred together for me and their scenes were not particularly memorable。 i especially did not like how the book handled zoe's characterization and her relationship with dean after he came out。 （view spoiler）[she outs him to a friend without asking him， she tells him that it's been an adjustment for her after he came out， and she handles their breakup clumsily （hide spoiler）]。 none of this felt essential to the narrative， and at times it felt like the was coming close to conflating being a lesbian with being transphobic / a terf。 dean and zoe clearly loved each other， and i would have liked to see them （view spoiler）[break up amicably （hide spoiler）] - i don't think that would have been unrealistic。i also felt like the book was talking down to its readers a lot？ the way the support group talks about pronouns and gender， the subplot about getting the cops involved with the bully situation， the way the book brings up ronnie's blackness and allison being japanese-american， two off-hand remarks about white authors in english class and history class centering white men， all felt surface level to me and at the same time over-explained。 it felt like the author wanted their book to appear 'woke，' while not wanting to really engage with or dedicate narrative time to the nuances to any of these ideas， and overall it just came off as tacky to me。something else that was hard for me to read about was characters' expectation of immediate acceptance and understanding from every single person in their life after coming out。 there's one moment where dean's dad shares （view spoiler）[that he had a friend in college who came out as trans who later committed suicide， and dean's dad wishes he had been more accepting of the friend （hide spoiler）]。 dean's reaction to hearing this did not sit right with me。 when you come out to someone， the potential reactions are not a binary of either gay-bashing condemnation or total acceptance with a party + rainbow cake。 people fumble and take time to learn + grow + transition with you， to understand your identity as you share it with them。 and you often are unable to cut someone out of your life just because they are not completely accepting， whether it's family members or friends or classmates or coworkers。 like yes， you can't let someone treat you like shit， but when you come out to someone， the reality is that for many people it does take time to readjust， read books， look things up on the internet， and learn new terms， and i don't think this is necessarily a bad thing？ to briefly compare this to another book， one of the things i love about aiden thomas' cemetery boys is how it depicts the complexity of yadriel's relationship with his family， who claim to accept him but also stumble at times or use the wrong words or slip up when using gendered language。 and this is something that hurts， but it does not mean that our slowly-learning loved ones must be cut out of our lives forever。i did really love dean's two friends， ronnie and jared。 they were the saving grace of my reading experience and i was delighted whenever they entered a scene。 like trying out pronouns at the coffee shop with ronnie？？ jared being a soft skater dude， quietly distancing himself from more toxic ideals of masculinity？？ what a blessing。 as a former lowkey theater kid， i also really liked how the school performance of romeo and juliet featured in this book and would have loved to see more of it， particularly how it might have allowed dean to explore his gender expression。 overall， i'm glad this book exists for readers who need it， i'm just not one of those readers anymore！ 。。。more
Claire
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Loved the way high school theatre tropes are woven throughout this story and also the way it shows that no important change comes without loss！ A hard thing to accept but portrayed very tenderly here。
Arthur Ramos
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I did have a lot of expectations and high hopes for this one so I was kinda biased from the start because I was expecting it to be GREAT。 but。 it's not really my fault it was a bad read。the characters don't have a。。。 personality？ Dean's entire thing is being trans and a theater-kid。 at one point in the book， he is mentioned to "have that swag" and honestly WHAT swag。 he's a twat。 he has approximately zero swag。his girlfriend is the stereotypical pixie girl women-studies-feminism-loving-women typ I did have a lot of expectations and high hopes for this one so I was kinda biased from the start because I was expecting it to be GREAT。 but。 it's not really my fault it was a bad read。the characters don't have a。。。 personality？ Dean's entire thing is being trans and a theater-kid。 at one point in the book， he is mentioned to "have that swag" and honestly WHAT swag。 he's a twat。 he has approximately zero swag。his girlfriend is the stereotypical pixie girl women-studies-feminism-loving-women type， which is great honestly I love these girls but she's nothing besides that and that's a problem。 she's there just to be Dean's girlfriend and be all pretty and perfect and then be demonized as a lesbian afterward。 that's not fair。 that's not fair at all。Dean's best friend is quite unilateral， but I liked him better than anyone else。 he's sweet。I'm not a huge fan of the plot itself either。 I don't like the narrative "being trans is hard"。 I mean - yes， it is hard。 but everyone knows that。 I don't want to talk about the miserable parts of being trans， about anger， about how we lose friends and partners and family。 cis people are all for that but I'm not。 I think it's bullshit。 I would like it if characters could just be free and trans and not miserable for once。 because I'm more free and trans and not miserable more than I am sad and angry and alone。 Dean is not happy。 he's angry and bitter and lonely。 （add that to the "he doesn't have a personality" problem and you get a boring guy。 I could deal with him being angry and bitter if I could see that wasn't all he was but he's just。。。 trans。 and because he's trans he's sad。 being trans is not sad so I'm not convinced。 it's hard to empathize。） I get that he's in a position in life and transition where everything is hard and dark， etc。， but I just don't like that。 I'm done with sad and bitter and angsty trans characters。 I know I'm ranting。One thing I DID like， the self-discovery part of the book was beautifully written and I loved that。 I could actually relate to a lot of Dean's feelings and maybe that's why I didn't like the book。 I also liked the school's reaction to him coming out and the bullying and problems with bathrooms。 I loved his teachers。 the Romeo x Dean thing was REALLY good。for me， the book itself wasn't fun。 simple as that。 and I think YA books should be fun。 I read them to be amused， that's their entire point。anyways - I guess this book works for a lot of people and maybe for trans youth but as a trans adult I'm just tired。 。。。more
c
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3。5* rounded up
Laura
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Quality of writing: 4/5Pace: 4/5Plot development: 4/5Characters: 4/5Enjoyability: 4/5Time to complete: 4 hoursScore: 4/5 starsNotes:Trans ftm main character。Various gender & sexual identity representation with minor characters。Queer & non-binary author。 Audiobook is read by MW Cartozian Wilson， he is trans。#RepresentationMattersPossible triggers:Transphobia， dead naming （name not mentioned）， misgendering， unaccepting parents， bullying， mention of suicideReview:What a wonderful book that tackles Quality of writing: 4/5Pace: 4/5Plot development: 4/5Characters: 4/5Enjoyability: 4/5Time to complete: 4 hoursScore: 4/5 starsNotes:Trans ftm main character。Various gender & sexual identity representation with minor characters。Queer & non-binary author。 Audiobook is read by MW Cartozian Wilson， he is trans。#RepresentationMattersPossible triggers:Transphobia， dead naming （name not mentioned）， misgendering， unaccepting parents， bullying， mention of suicideReview:What a wonderful book that tackles some serious issues in a way that makes them both impactful and enjoyable。 。。。more
Eva Houlding
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Loved this story！ Though I don’t identify as trans （maybe enby but who knows） this story allowed me the insight into what dysphoria can be like for trans people。 Being part of the queer community is an incredible thing， and I feel so lucky to have been able to find my place in there with so much support from those around me。 reading stories about people who have families and communities who don’t always support them helps remind me how much work there is to be done still， and I am so thankful th Loved this story！ Though I don’t identify as trans （maybe enby but who knows） this story allowed me the insight into what dysphoria can be like for trans people。 Being part of the queer community is an incredible thing， and I feel so lucky to have been able to find my place in there with so much support from those around me。 reading stories about people who have families and communities who don’t always support them helps remind me how much work there is to be done still， and I am so thankful that these stories are being shared 。。。more
Shannon
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A really tender coming of age story about a young trans boy who is finding the courage to embrace who he has always felt himself to be all while dealing with complicated romantic relationships and less than supportive parents。 Perfect for fans of Felix ever after or Tobly McSmith。 Great on audio too。CW: transphobia
Frankie
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 So far this has been my favorite of the trans masculine books I’ve read。 I still wouldn’t say I loved it or was particularly blown away by any aspects of it， but it was pretty alright。 I think the author did a much better job of presenting a realistic high school experience。 I also appreciated the way that Dean had complicated feelings towards his gender and his medical transition。 I was confused about when the book was set。 Dean is the class of 2019， but for college or high school？？ This might So far this has been my favorite of the trans masculine books I’ve read。 I still wouldn’t say I loved it or was particularly blown away by any aspects of it， but it was pretty alright。 I think the author did a much better job of presenting a realistic high school experience。 I also appreciated the way that Dean had complicated feelings towards his gender and his medical transition。 I was confused about when the book was set。 Dean is the class of 2019， but for college or high school？？ This might explain why his parents were unfamiliar with what transgender meant。 It’s hard for me to believe that in 2019 two people could be wholly unfamiliar with the term， but in 2015 I guess it’s a little more likely。 Other reviews of this book tend to focus on Zoe， and I’ve heard some accusations of lesbophobia。 I didn’t pick up on that。 Like， it made sense to me that Zoe and Dean would break up。 I thought Zoe had， for being a YA love interest， a pretty complicated character。 I don’t think she was treated badly by the narrative or really by Dean。 。。。more
Jaeden
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This book describes so well the aches and pains and complexities of coming out to yourself and everyone else as a trans guy。 （Admittedly from a particular privileged white perspective but this book does a good job of acknowledging this。） It’s not a literary masterpiece but it’s a book that needed to be written and needs to be read by many people， transmasc or otherwise。 I really enjoyed it and it was almost too relatable。
alex
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This book was a very good （and fast read）， with a loveable main character and relatable plot。 As a trans masculine person， I really loved this book because of how relatable the main character is and how real his coming out process though out this book felt。 It has a perfect balance of minor cliche tropes and real， far from basic storylines。 If you're looking for a quick wonderful read that touches on many different topics and feels like home as you read it， this is the book you're looking for！！ This book was a very good （and fast read）， with a loveable main character and relatable plot。 As a trans masculine person， I really loved this book because of how relatable the main character is and how real his coming out process though out this book felt。 It has a perfect balance of minor cliche tropes and real， far from basic storylines。 If you're looking for a quick wonderful read that touches on many different topics and feels like home as you read it， this is the book you're looking for！！ 。。。more
Noah
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Tldr: this book is absolute trans bliss AND trans trauma。 A devastating and emotional exploration about what it’s like to be transgender。 Definitely recommend to everyone but especially young trans people （like me） who have never read books which featured characters like them。 However not a universal trans experience and that’s okay！ I’ve never been more connected to a character while reading， but I felt particularly drawn to this book because of the similarities between me and Dean Forester。 As Tldr: this book is absolute trans bliss AND trans trauma。 A devastating and emotional exploration about what it’s like to be transgender。 Definitely recommend to everyone but especially young trans people （like me） who have never read books which featured characters like them。 However not a universal trans experience and that’s okay！ I’ve never been more connected to a character while reading， but I felt particularly drawn to this book because of the similarities between me and Dean Forester。 As well as the idea of a trans character exploring who they are through theatre。 I never really felt seen as a trans person， especially in media and in the books I read as a kid。 but now after reading this book， I understand that I’m not the only one。 This book is a beautiful exploration about one trans experience and what it means to be trans to Dean Forester。 This book touched me as I related to Dean on every level。 I’m a theatre kid who is also trans and found himself through theatre and also feels misplaced in his school and throughout the theatre environment in his school。 It was heartbreaking to read his exploration of himself and how it shattered his reality。 I cried more times than I can remember while reading this book。 I always say that books that make you cry are books that are exceptionally written。 In this case that is true。 This is honestly one of my new favourite books， Ray Stoeve did an excellent job。 Their writing is exceptional and everything about this book is inspiring and emotional。 So kudos to them！ I’ll leave this review with one of my fav quotes from the book: “If I jump， I might fall。 I might never see the me on the other side。” 。。。more
Reference
google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Between Perfect and Real
hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Between Perfect and Real&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft